so...here it has been another year. i still miss you terribly. i think about you everyday, still. i can't help it when there is just so much around me that reminds me of you. i am sure you know of my little tiny shrine to you. it sits on my mantle. there are times i find myself talking to your photographs, telling you about my life. your glossy face staring back at me always with the same expression. i miss your strangeness.
just so you know, you have forever marred my decembers. but i don't hate you for it. when this time rolls around i feel a sorrowful peace... i have been trying throughout this year to get hold of your mother, or your sister, but to no avail. i hate to think that they have lost touch with those who called you a friend. i would love to just go sit with your sister and talk. there are plenty of people i still wish i was in contact with. grizzant for instance.
i wish i could be angry at you. for leaving. in a way i am jealous.
i'm sure your view is much better than mine will ever be. it's hard to be angry knowing you are in such a perceivably perfect place.
i wish that you hadn't closed that window, i know somewhere it is still open, but it is seemingly impossible to find.

i pray for the day when we can see each other again.

i miss you always.

love,
whitchan

to think that all of this could have been gone.
you would've laughed at me today. i can't for the fucking life of me remember your mom's name. beverly? barbera? brenda?
...maybe it's all the pot?
i could be wrong.
maybe i never knew it in the first place. i know your sister...and your niece and nephew...and even that guy your mom was dating...but not her.
i wanted you to know that i know you're around. like when i smell you. just for a second... or when i hear those crazy noises and the only thought i have is of you. in my dreams...
i remember our summer. when it was scortching hot, even at night, and you would skate circles around me. and you were hot, and sticky-sweaty, and i got that ice cube. i can still feel you skin clamy and wet under my hand... i know you remember. i do...every time i hold an ice cube in my palm, and the water drips between my fingers. it's you i think of.
i woke up this morning, dec. 1st. i thought about where i was a year ago. i couldn't remember. i thought where i was 2 years ago, and it was like yesterday.
i was heading to my painting class. it was see-your-breath cold, and drizzly. slushy. i was planning for my trip to suprise my mom for her birthday. i had talked to you only days before. i told you i wouldn't be able to see you this time, but in a couple of weeks when i went to little rock, i would. you should have known better. of course i was going to stop by and see you before i headed to the airport. after all, it was only a little out of the way, and what is a few miles between friends?
eons.
the morning i heard the news...
monstar and i had slept in my mom's bed, and she had slept on the couch. mom was already awake, and reading the newspaper. i woke up and checked my email, livejournal, etc., had a few cubes of cheese for breakfast, chatted with my mom about my plans...
monstar woke up and came into the livingroom where we were. she said, "you'll never guess who just called me." my first guess was that asshole brandon. wrong. she said it was your mom. i laughed a little and said, "did steven run away?"
no.
she said you had hung yourself. i said, "what hospital is he at? is he ok? we can go now!" she said, "no baby."
it's like those scenes in movies. those wild zooms where you zoom out but move the camera forward to give the effect of the whole world sinking behind you. the biggest tears whelled in my eyes... but they wouldn't fall. i called your mom. and i said, "i just heard......i'm...sorry." and she said, "this is like a nightmare." and i cried and said that i was sorry once more and hung up. i couldn't think of anything else to say.
i called michael and told him.
he couldn't say anything. he was in disbelief.
the whole day i was dazed. i was like a lost puppy. what would i do? i was supposed to suprise you the next day. monstar and i smoked a bowl in your honor. i cried. what was i supposed to do? my best friend. my soul mate. my love. has just severed himself from me. what was it that hurt you so bad baby? what couldn't be fixed? or maybe it was just your time to fly? to fly right up to the heaven you talked so much about. with those angels. they could fix your wings better than i, or anyone for that matter. later that night cherish called. before she even said a word i cried and told her i knew. we talked about things for your funeral...music...art...photos....
the day before your funeral i was scheduled to leave for denver. i couldn't stay for many reasons.. and for that i am deeply sorry.

when i returned home, i checked my mail.
in my mailbox was a very familar looking letter. i just stared into my mailbox for hours it seemed. i sighed, "no. no. please, no." i reached in and pulled it out and there it was. your last cry. your last touch. your last kiss. right there, in my hands. it was dated dec 3rd.
you told me, that if i wrote you back that you promised to make the next letter more legible.
you promised.
you didn't even give me a chance.
i would have written you a novel if i knew.

steven. i want you to know, i was angry. i was angry that you did what you did. i was angry that you left me here to go on without you.
but i forgive you. i know that you are here. over my shoulder. in the corner of my eye. behind me. and right in front of me. everyday.
i love you more than words can ever describe. and you know that.
i will never....ever...ever...close that window.
ever.


-whitchan

u have such a nice gallery

--
Man who shows people good thinks...looks like man who do it

Steven,

Its been a year since I accessed this website . I'm hoping somehow you will recieve this message either by my thoughts or by some other way . As you could see last year was incredibly hard.. and though this year proves to not be as painstakingly hard its only because I have fallen nearly completely numb and emotion is a rarity and only seems to get me into deeper and darker waters . I miss you my friend, I think of you probaly on a weekly to monthly basis especialy since winter winds blow soon... and I dont like how they are feeling . My friend, thankyou and please know your still alive inside my heart and that though we didnt see eye to eye you were someone who is to much to be kept in a mortal shell like that body of yours . Steven, I dont know when I'll see you again but be it much later or sooner then expected, always be ready for me because life holds the unexpected as the next thing to always happen .

Thankyou once again, bye .

- Halo Faith

I wonder if they internet access in the afterlife .. if so I know your probaly on photoshop right now but I just wanted you to know Im thinking about you and I cant stop, your always there even though I know how to delude reality pretty well ..


The cold winter that came
sending down ice sharded rain
creating chaos in my soul
as Half Winged took the final toll

Centering the saddness within myself
no able to place this pain apon a shelf
self torment thats resides within my mind
inside of this room my pain doth abide

The snow that is red with blood
a name written in white, written in love
Here is the man that I never saw through
a mind of cosmic proportians that sees what is true

Dont tell me its over dammit
so many people have already died
Family,friends all of them innocent
all of these people struggled in thier lives

Slam my fist down into the ground
bleed the blood onto the floor
I cant understand death because Im human
by the devils wish I open a dark door

I cant comprehend whats beyond this life
this faith of mine dosent prove anything to my mind
a lack of answers, with all these disasters
inside of a dark room am I confined

Broken faith, consuming hate
all that is evil now calls my name
I am torn apart, this shattered heart
apon my life Lucifer makes claim



Forgive me my friend
if I walk across the white fields that bares red
to force myself then into rest
blackwings will only say " He is dead "

Steven Brooks walks with the Angels now .

Sleep well my friend, I have sworn apon my blade I will see you again one day and I will, one way or the other .



In tribute :

A man of wonder
oh he could see
beyond the horizen
much furthur then me

A teacher of lessons
lessons of old
reality was not a challenge for him
he was brave and oh so bold

Speak your mind
and walk that way
you were the one and only
of your day

You were to much to be kept within a mere shell
So much talent
so much potiental
Perhaps only I could tell...

Your mind was amazing
and your eyes did not lie
I never saw through you
that I will not deny

St.Michael I pray guides you
for whereever you may go
You were such a good person
that God does know

Tormented and triffled
as your days did roll on
you kept on walking ...
walking straight into the sun

Walk towards the Light my friend
you have no business elsewhere
I will see you once again ..
I will see you when I get there .


I love you steven, more then I could type out over a night of crying . Head towards the Light my brother, I will someday meet you on the other side .

Why do you have someone else's website (which is down) as your own?

--
See, my mule don't like people laughing.

Thank you for the fav and watch!

--
Dedication >>> Talent

www.LivingOxymoronArt.com

thanks for the devwatch

--
Ever since the day you decided I was your bisque doll,
Blood won't flow from my wounds, and on sad days I can't cry
So won't you love me even a little?

~lucifer-stock